#65: Squatumentary
Happy Friday!
I hope it's as sunny where you are as it is where I am. In a move of sickening health, I ran 12km into the sunrise this morning. My hands nearly exploded with cold.
The lead story this week is that my episode of The Narrativist is out! The Narrativist is a unique podcast that splices a conventional interview with an original radio play on the same theme. My episode is about squatting. No: not weightlifting, but the nefarious art of appropriating unused buildings for shelter.
In 2011, inspired by a company specialising in tenant evictions, Conservative ministers decided that criminalising squatting would be a cheap and popular way of winning the support of Daily Mail Man. Accordingly, the Ministry of Justice launched a perfunctory consultation, entitled Options for Dealing with Squatting.
Despite the fact that over 95% of the responses came out in favour of "squatters rights", the Conservative-Liberal coalition government went ahead, tacking the criminalisation of squatting onto the end of the Legal Aid Bill and squeezing discussion of the amendment into late night sessions in the House of Lords.
The slapdash process smacked of populism. The Metropolitan Police Service, who would bear the brunt of the work involved in enforcing any anti-squatting law, were stoutly against any such change. They argued that the current protections against trespass and criminal damage were sufficient - breaking into property was already a crime, why shift the onus onto the police to patrol empty properties?
A cynic might claim that such a move would make the bailiff's job easier, boosting the profit margin for companies specialising in tenant evictions, for example. Those against the amendment argued that it would increase the number of homeless living on the streets, instantly criminalise an entire class of already vulnerable people, and possibly contribute to fatalities, particularly in winter, among a demographic who already have a much reduced life expectancy.
The law passed. I'd love to say that its impact was purely cosmetic, a sop to throw The Daily Mail to show that the government was doing something about "scroungers". But since the law came into effect, the number of people sleeping rough has doubled. It only took one winter before the law claimed its first victim: Daniel Gauntlett died of hypothermia outside an abandoned bungalow in Kent. Earlier that evening he'd been stopped from entering the building by police.
None of that is very funny. So I decided to write a ridiculous mockumentary, inspired by the Dog Section Press pamphlet Options for Dealing with Squatting, which collects and contextualises responses from the consultation. More people should read pamphlets like this, to try and understand what little it takes to change the law, and how little most people care.
You can download the podcast for free here - my bit starts 20 minutes in. Enjoy!
Special thanks to Charlie Kerson and Jack Hudson, and particularly to all the actors who tied all the loose ends of my script into a coherent ball of funny (Susan Harrison, Carolina Grierson, Charlie Kemp and James Witt). Big thanks too to London Comedy Writers, where this script had its first (overlong) reading last year.
If you're a writer (or actor), then The Narrativist are open for scripts. Just pick a social issue, write a quick proposal and send it in to Charlie and Jack. They're a dream to work with.
>> INPUT
Five things that have inspired me this week. What kept you going?
TRAINS: German cities to trial free public transport to cut pollution via The Guardian. Go Germany!
SKILLS: The surprising thing Google learned about its employees — and what it means for today’s students via The Washington Post. "The seven top characteristics of success at Google are all soft skills: being a good coach; communicating and listening well; possessing insights into others (including others different values and points of view); having empathy toward and being supportive of one’s colleagues; being a good critical thinker and problem solver; and being able to make connections across complex ideas."
PSYCHEDELICS: Inside the Mind of Amanda Feilding, Countess of Psychedelic Science by Matt Simon on Wired. A profile of a maverick aristocratic scientist who once drilled a hole in her own head.
FAKE NEWS: “Fake news”: reaction to the end of the monopoly on the narrative by Branko Milanovic. "The reason why the hysteria has spread... is because this is [a] (to some extend understandable) reaction to the loss of global monopoly power exercised by the Anglo-American media especially since 1989, but practically from 1945 onwards."
INVESTING: Warren Buffett won his ten-year bet about index funds outperforming hedge funds via Kottke.org. Don't waste time and money playing at gambling, just bet and forget.
OUTPUT >>
As you may have noticed, this mailing list is the engine room of my writing. Here's some you might have missed:
Options for Dealing with Squatting: A Mockumentary Radio Play (February)
Foiled Series 2: A Sitcom Writer’s Diary (February)
No No Aeroplanes: 98 Months and Out (February)
Carpe Diem: Dancing with Death (February)
No Phone (Before Noon) (February)
...COMING UP...
The last session of my Curtis Brown Creative novel-writing course - and drinks with a roomful of literary agents.
The Elevate Festival in Graz, Austria - and that aeroplane flight!
Early bird tickets for Jokes and Spokes, the annual Bike Project fundraiser are now on sale. With Sara Pascoe, Andy Zaltzman, Robin Ince and Phil Wang. June 12th in London. Funny guaranteed.
I'll leave you with one final piece of exciting newses from Foiled HQ: we've been selected to be broadcast as part of Radio 4 Extra's St David's Day celebrations next Thursday. So pick a posy of daffodils and join us for a listen.
Apparently it's the first time that an independently produced show has been plucked from the obscurity of the regional airwaves and anointed with airplay on the national network. This honour also means Foiled will be available for another month on iPlayer - and I think me and Beth get to share the princely repeat fee of £15.
Right! I'm off to walk in the sunshine - trying to figure out how I can use my sudden and fanatical knowledge of curling as material for my novel...
Much love,
- dc
p.s. You know there's always a pretty picture if you scroll to very, very end, don't you?
davidcharles.info // @dcisbusy
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The longest walk you can take in a straight line, from Liberia to China: 8,443 miles (13,589 km) – almost exactly one third of the total circumference of the planet.
Thanks to Strange Maps on Big Think.